The Noble Bond of Marriage: Rights and Duties of Spouse

Why is it that there is so much of misunderstanding between husbands and wives? Why is it that they feel so fed up with each other a short while after marriage? Does anyone realize the sanctity of marriage?

Marriage is not dating (dating and all relationships outside marriage are haraam). It is not a temporary relationship. A person’s aim should be to make it a lifelong relation. Marriage is one of the strongest and most noble covenants in the sight of Allah SWT, and the family is the most important unit in the structure of society. We should not underestimate this blessing from Allah SWT.

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy…” [Surah al-Room : 21]

So, where has the affection gone? No, I am not directing this solely to men. It is for both to be reasonable instead of turning to the evil quagmire of black magic.

Women are created from the upper rib, which is the most crooked rib.
The Prophet (May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Woman was created from a rib, and if you try to straighten the rib you will break it, so be gentle with her and you will be able to live with her.”

Stubbornness is found in women. So the husband should be gentle with his wife. It is part of her nature (but it can be changed). If a debate has ensued the husband should explain the matter to her in a gentle manner, and approach her with the intention of winning her over, not of imposing his views lest the wife feels her voice is being suppressed.

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” [Muslim]

A man should fulfill both his financial (mehr, spending on her, accommodation) and non-financial (kind treatment, respect and not harming her) rights towards his wife.

But this does not give the green signal to wives to act immaturely and misbehave with their husbands. A husband has more rights over his wife than vice versa. The reason is explained in the following verse:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [Surah al-Nisaa’: 34]

A husband supports his wife and children and works hard so they will comfortably. He protects them and gives them clothing and shelter, by the Grace of Allah SWT. This entitles him to more rights, mainly his wife’s obedience. A wise woman would know how to behave properly with her husband.

A woman’s duties towards her husband are: obedience, making herself available to him (unless there is a valid reason for not doing so), not doing something that he doesn’t like (allowing someone at home whom he dislikes or fasting (optional fasts) when he doesn’t want her to and so on), serving him and treating him well.

The Messenger of Allah (May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said, “It is not right that any human being should prostrate to another human being, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate to her husband due to the greatness of his rights upon her.” [Ahmad]

Try to overlook some shortcomings or words or deeds that do not have any evil intention in them. Be patient with one another because everyone makes mistakes, and the one with whom we have to be most patient is the one with whom we live and interact with the most. Do not pick on each other in trivial matters except in duties towards Allah. This is what Allah SWT tells us to do: “… And live with them (women) honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” [Surah al-Nisa’: 19].

Allah SWT has made man physically stronger and woman emotionally stronger. Both should not misuse their strengths for they both have to answer for their deeds. Their strengths are a test for them.

Instead of resorting to black magic if one follows Allah’s Commands completely, insha’Allah, they would not encounter any problems. Those who take the aid of black magic in, supposedly, fixing marriage problems are in fact taking the help of Satan. Do they realize that whatever power Satan has that has been given to him by the Sole Creator, Allah SWT? Be sensible!


12 thoughts on “The Noble Bond of Marriage: Rights and Duties of Spouse”

  1. @SL: Pukhtu is my mother tongue.
    Nowadays, people don’t get married so young. Even girls get married when they are at least 20. Usually, more than that. People are concentrating a lot on education for both the genders. At least that is what happening in my city. Now that is a very good thing (educating themselves). But at the same time one should try retaining the good aspects of their culture and improve their religious education as well.

  2. Momina: just which language is your mother tongue?
    James: I myself got married at 29. But in Pakistan, men tend to marry before the age of 24, while most girls wed at the age of 16 or 17 (in some areas, girls are married off at 12 or 13).

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