The new “gora” coach has arrived in the country to beat the hell out of incompetency, defeats, indiscipline, laziness, un professionalism and attitude of the national team. Just after arriving at Lahore, he went straight to….oh not at the Academy, he just went to his room, had a lavish dinner, then had late siesta, some light drinks and then he watched English news at PTV, went sub-conscious for 15 minutes, and was again brought back to his senses by the threat of showing him the English speech of Chaudhry Shujaat.
After getting back to his feet in the morning, he jogged for half an hour, along with the Lahore “nehar”, then took a shower in the just-mentioned “nehar”, got involved with the cattle which took offense of his presence in their territory, but then the matter was settled cordially by the intervention of Dr. Naseem Ashraf afterwards, when he gave some nice grass-flavour pills to the cattle. It is alleged that our good old Geoff also tasted one.
After this light refreshment, Geoff and the PCB officials suddenly recalled that there was a camp going in the National Cricket Academy, and along with the luxuries, Geoff had to extract some time for the team somehow, so they arranged a lush plush Tonga with two four legs animals in front, one was a horse and the other was donkey. Horse was there to speed the things up, and the donkey was there to kick out anyone who came in the way of the future of cricket in the country.
With all the Lahori fanfare, troupe arrived at the academy and then Naseem Ashraf, the chairman of PCB introduced players to Geoff, who noted down the name and drew a cartoon of each player. He also drew a cartoon of Manager Talat Ali at the special request of Zakir Khan, though Talat Ali thought Geoff has portrayed him.
Then Geoff asked Salman Butt to tell him the best joint in Lahore, where he could eat “Nehari”, “Pai”, and “Hareesa”. Salman Butt told him in a whisper that he could get all of those with an added value of some “special entertaiment” just behind the “Shahi Qila” of Lahore. But Dr. Naseem Ashraf just went mad after hearing this, and he scolded Salman Butt for his poor knowledge and ensured Geoff that he would get all types of entertainment just nearby in Gublerg or defense.
After this matter took rest, lunch was served in the dining hall of the academy where Geoff first monitored the lunching manner of the guys. He did a severe dressing down of Shahid Afridi, when he tried to ate chicken fried rice with his hand. Geoff then showed all how to use chop sticks, then he told them how to eat in synchronization.
Then all of a sudden he ordered the whole team to be in the nets within 3 seconds. All the players obliged. In the first second, each produced a small fishing net out of his pocket, in the 2nd second wrapped it around their head, necks and chest while sitting around lunch table, and in the third second looked at the Geoff triumphantly, who was gaping at them with utter disbelief. Then he burst into a frantic clapping and broke the good news to Dr. Nasim Ashraf that mercurial Pakistani team will not only make other opponents repent as why their ever opted to play cricket, but they will set such unique and high standards that everyone else
will just rule out even the concept of playing cricket every.
So with this vision of making Pakistan the solo player in the cricket of future, Geoff Lawson is all set to begin.