…and now, it is ParanoidISTAN

Of late, the western media has developed a liking to christening Pakistan with catchy labels, and Pakistan seems to be more than happy to oblige.

First it was Slakistan (a slack country because of its slack governance), then Darkistan (thanks to the mismanagement of electricity) and of course the highly popular; Pornistan (nothing much needs to be said about this…remember Camel Sex??).

However, the Pak media seems to be glad to provide more wood for the fire and Pakistan now has a trendy new tag; PARANOIDISTAN.

To see how this new nickname came into being, one needs to simply know about the 2 main reasons Pakistan is in the news these days: The Floods and The Pakistan Cricket Team Spot-Fixing Scandal.

First the Floods; a few (and thankfully, only a few) sections of the Pakistan media raised the theory that floods in Pakistan were a result of India releasing the waters from its dams to inundate Pakistan.

So, only a handful of dams in just 2 Indian states can store enough water to fill-up 1/5^th of Pakistan!!!…That is some achievement.

Another website quoted that the U.S. research program HAARP (High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program) is being used to create Artificial Floods in Pakistan. The website even went on to say, “They Can’t Win a War with Nuclear-Armed Pakistan … So They Have Other Ways to Do It”.

Now, I must be living under a rock to not know that America is in a war against ‘Nuclear-Armed’ Pakistan!!!

No doubt that HAARP is for real and no doubt that the USA and some other countries do have weather-altering capabilities. But even if the U.S. could, why would they flood Pakistan and then pay millions of dollars in relief… surely they have better pass times to keep them busy.

Now about the Pakistan Cricket Team Scandal (the latest one, that is); it seems there is a new force to compete with, in the Intelligence World. An agency which is better than Scotland Yard, the FIA of Pakistan (I hope I got that right), and a few more agencies. It is called, (hold your breath ladies and gentlemen)…’The Daily Mail’s Investigation Team’.

And this team has found out that the Indian Intelligence agency RAW and Scotland Yard are making efforts to involve Pakistani players in spot-fixing.

Their main focus: “putting the career of new teenage pace sensation of Pakistan Muhammad Aamir at stake who emerging as main threat to the batsmen across the world in the coming years.”

Right, so RAW is now in charge of ensuring that the Pakistan cricket team doesn’t do well (to hell with espionage and intelligence gathering!). Looking at the Pakistan team’s performance over the past few months, that seems to be working.

Of course the geniuses who have propagated this theory don’t seem to have an answer as to how and why did the 2 Pakistan bowlers bowled those 3 no-balls at the exact time disclosed by the bookie.

Thankfully, the reactions of most former players and Pakistan public in general, shows that these theories are desperate attempts by headline-hungry mongers.