Resume of the Year

When I received the following resume today in reply of a job for office secretary with MS Word knowledge, I blew my guts in one thousand bursts of uncontrollable laughters. I couldn’t control myself but to post the resume without altering a word here. I just omitted the name and contact number, just to preserve the identity of the individual. Read the resume, and see if you could hire this gem.

Profile:

Dearest Sir Jee, I have the ability to use Microsoft Word, Excel, and power point and Microsoft XBOX. I have been a Microsoft XBOX assistant in a local video game shop, here in Islamabad. Attended a business & administration in Zero point computer center, also started diploma in CS but then thought practical knowledge is better so just did the Xbox job full time. Participate regularly at office in Computer activities and meetings, off the record and on the record. Can adjust the multimedia projector by Sony rightly, and know how to adjust the lights accordingly. know some tips about graphic designs and can do typing of memos letters paragraphs and words also. I have also done Employment in administrative branch of girls college in Sialkot by using Microsoft word.

Employment skills:

– In Administrative Assistance, Lowest I will expect Salary Rs 45,000 and highest will expect to 65,000 yearly (with medical, mobile and entertaiment)
– Can also work late for 2 hours daily, without any charge, but provide me transport for drop
– 5 Years Microsoft word certified by current boss
– 5 Years Microsoft xbox certified by current boss (though honestly I am just 3 year certified in this)

Work history:

October 2002 – Recent: somewhere Joint Islamabad

Experience:

Position – Senior Xbox Assistant:

The list of tasks I performed is very long, but due to the importance of your time, I will just mention the important ones:

– Assist guests of boss, and offer them the fastest consoles.
– Listen to manager rules and follow supervisor’s directions. (But now I am myself supervisor)
– Listen to advice, and answer questions that guest ask me in a discussion.
– Used to sell hidden tricks of xbox games to the customers.
– Used to manage efficiently different cabins, and controlled the rush hours with dexterity
– Help customer identify the difference in two different games; give them a good idea why they should play that game.
– Prepare for head quarter visits listen to the managers and supervisors instructions on keeping the joint clean and helping the business move with speed.
– Keeping a nice sexy smile, and being helpful to whoever come in (except the Islamabad Police).
– Used to keep an eye on customers, especially on boys wearing tattoos.

Education:

– Some School, Matric (never failed in tests of social studies) June 1985- October 1995
– Microsoft word Certified (by boss) , excel, and power point
– High school diploma, Graduate with a Diploma.
– Microsoft Word Certified (Studying for it)

IT Skills:

– I have indepth knowledge of using a Cannon Printer that has many functions inside, I can professionally handle it and can Click on the file menu and print.
– Use of opening applications on a personal computer especially the MS Word in first try.
– I have the ability to type any kind of letter, memo, or procedure or anything at the rate of 25 words per minute with 10 errors per minutes on average.
– I can setup, power on and keep running the xbox console in the required manner by the manager.
– I have the knowledge of using a telephone by dialing the area code and can record a message on answering machine, and can talk with the operator at exchange in English and Urdu.

Non IT Skills:

– Can play snooker
– Can read 10 pages of English newspaper in a day
– Can prepare a tea, and do some cooking
– Can do jogging for two miles in summer

References Available upon Order.


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