Let’s Help USA

It’s all about oil and there is no question about that. Middle Eastern oil is what lures USA towards this region again and again. All this blind backing of Israel and all this war in Iraq and all these forces deployment from Saudi Arabia, Oman, and elsewhere is to ensure the continuous oil supplies to US. All this bullshit about war on terrorism, democratic values, clash of civilizations, free world, new world, strategic alignment and other fetid buzzwords are yet another excuses of remaining near to oil.

Now what the rest of world could do to help US in this regard?

1- Arabs can suck all the oil from the wells, load them in tankers and push them towards US harbours.

2- Now is the time US start getting back all that money it has invested in artificial intelligence. They could inject AI in sharks and make them learn to store tons of oils in their bellies and swim all the way from Middle East to US.

3- Last option is for the US people. President of US should declare a state of emergency in his country, and call all the experts on the energy sources. He should order them to devise technologies which would end their dependence over Mid East oil up to 2015.

As the first two options are pretty much obvious, so let’s talk about the third one. After creating a war-time like situation in the country, Bush or whatever creature becomes the next president of US should only focus on energy policy. All hell should be broken loose while searching for green and economical alternatives. Every dick, dick and dick would yank open his zipper and start researching more upon biofuels, building Sterling generators in the desert, nuclear plants, windmills, clean coal, harnessing the ocean waves, and who knows what the green hell more.

This way America will become a real super power with green face. While America would be busy in developing alternate fuels, and Al-Qaeda in making new plots of terrorism and shredding the previous ones, developing nations will be busily wetting their pants in anticipation of such technologies by America, and as the Americans are so bad at keeping their things to themselves, the alternate fuel technology will be in the developing world, the next day.

Arabs would know it the next morning, when all of a sudden they will be told by their camels that they cannot have the breakfast of 100 dishes, as no oil was sold today. Then Arabs would declare a war-time situation in the whole of Middle East. Israel, Arabs, Hamas, Al-Fatah, Hizbollah, Iran and Iraq will form a new coalition to find some alternate usage of oil as a food supplement. Soon, due to the non-utilization, the oil will start overflowing from the wells. As Arabs would have anticipated this overflow already, they would have already dugg the streams and will guide oil in those streams with exit to the sea. Than they will boost of this new tourist attraction like Venice with the slight difference.

Streets of Damam would see that US forces would be running amok towards their planes to get back to US, whereas locals would be chasing them to handover a gallon of oil each as a souvenir. Across Iraq, US soldiers will leave oil fields and the roads which goes towards them and will instantly start collecting dung of cattle. They will take this biofuel with extreme care to US. Some would haul it back like the Nigerians haul the heroin.

Now if only the US finds an alternative to the oil. This will solve all the problems of US, and more importantly, all the problems of the world for sure.


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